


a soul that’s born in cold and rain

by Kangoo



Series: Front toward enemy [18]
Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Canon-Typical Deaths, Daemon Touching, Death Symbolism, Ghosts as daemons, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Yeah it's an ensemble cast kinda thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 17:46:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20029816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kangoo/pseuds/Kangoo
Summary: Death is the endless starlit road, the yawning abyss, a still pond, the crushing weight of the ocean, is darkness and terror.To Razel, it's closer to a loading screen.





	a soul that’s born in cold and rain

**Author's Note:**

> this is pointless
> 
> lek belongs to arcquos ( [twitter](https://twitter.com/Arcquos)/[tumblr](https://arcquos.tumblr.com/))
> 
> sable, thyme and ayin all belong to the wonderful co-creator of the BKCU, [BaronetCoins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaronetCoins/pseuds/BaronetCoins)
> 
> title is from hozier's "sunlight"

1.

Death is the endless starlit road, going from and to nowhere. On each side sprawls a forest of pines, branches heavy with snow, held silent and still in darkness. He must walk, though he is lost and alone here: the only way out lies ahead, whatever it may be. 

There is no light save for the distant glow of silver stars, no movement but the snowflakes falling slowly from the sky, no sound but the crunching of snow under his feet. No colors but white and grey, the world dimmed by frost and night.

And then all of this changes.

Northern lights held in the shape of a beast, cosmic colors swirling in dreamy patterns as it stands in his path, its bright eyes boring into his.

"I'm supposed to walk," he says, more a question than a request.

"When have you ever done what you were supposed to?" She asks.

On these words she turns her back to him and walks into the woods. The warmth of her presence lingers like heat on a summer night until her tail disappears between the dark trees.

He steps off the path and follows her in the dark.

(Cayde-6 comes back to life shivering, his body freezing except where a furry body is pressed against his side.

"Hello, Guardian," the wolf says, her open maw like a smile, teeth sharp and eyes bright.

He names her Sundance, for the way the weak winter sun shines over her tawny coat. She laughs, hyena like, and calls him a sap, but there's genuine warmth in her eyes when she looks at him.)

2.

Death is the yawning abyss that devours all, the great beast waiting at the end of entropy, that which is and comes from oblivion.

The darkness is smothering, cold and heavy where it sits on their chest, inside their throat, reaching, spreading, covering them, _burying them_–

They grip at their throat, gasping for air, refusing to give in to the great nothingness stealing their breath. The sound of it is like claws digging into dirt, a persistent scratching, scrapping, searching–

Until it gives out, ever so slightly, all of it, the weight in their lungs and the sound in their eyes. The darkness seems to crumble on itself, just a piece of it, just enough to allow through a small head, tall ears, eyes like black light, dark and luminescent all at once.

"If it catches you, it will kill you," she says, voice like the whispers of wind. "But first it must catch you."

They want to say they are already caught, already trapped, but the darkness gave in, gave out, and there is just enough space for them to stand. As long as she is by their side they would always be just enough space to stand, to breath, unburied.

Uncaught.

She runs, then, as is in her nature. And it must be in theirs, too, because they follow, through the winding tunnels of darkness.

(Occam claws their way back to life, through of six foot of graveyard dirt and the suffocating fear of what lies below. Up above they hear scratching, digging, scrapping, searching–

For them.

They drag themself to the surface and the first thing they see is the rabbit, jittery eyes and ever-moving ears even in her prey-stillness.

She doesn't speak but her small body is soft and warm, alive in a way they forgot they knew. They burry their fingers in her fur like a man drowning and their hearts beat as one, rabbit-fast.)

3\. 

Death is a pond, quiet and dark, overgrown with weeds, and the water clings to her skin and tries to drag her under.

"You're drowning already," the duck says, sounding unconcerned but not unkind. The feathers he is grooming are milky-white, like the moon seen through clouds. "Why not take the dive?" 

He plunges his head in the water. His voice comes out distant as he warns her, _Keep your eyes open_.

She does even though she feels like she should not. She dunks her head into the water–

(Lek comes awake gasping for breath, waterlogged white hair being gently groomed by the duck sitting on her chest.

"It does no good to linger," he says, "In life or in death. You look terrible, dear."

She shrugs the comment off, as unbothered by it as he is by the water on his back, and lets the sun on her skin and the weight on her chest chase the cold of the water away.)

4\. 

Death is a crushing ocean, is an endless plain of tall grass, is blindness and silence, is the wide open sky.

(Salvation is a grasping octopus, is a lioness with fur like wildfire, is a hound pressed against your side, is teeth and claws and wings and a thousand things to find the way back home.)

Death is great and inescapable and ever changing.

(So are they.)

5.

Razel's Ghost is not settled.

It's hard to miss, what with the way he shifts constantly. In the field he does it to better fit their surroundings, hiding under Razel's clothes and fighting at his side in turns, one moment a small gecko under the collar of his coat and the next a tiger tearing through Vex circuits like it's tissue paper. In the Tower he is no less restless than Razel is, and while he fidgets and runs around his Ghost orbits around him in his robotic Core form, lands on top of Ikora's desk as a cat before jumping above the rail and taking to the sky on the small wings of a sparrow.

It's obvious. Doesn't mean Razel notices it.

Or rather, he doesn't notice it's not the norm. Most Ghosts keep to themselves, only talking to their Guardian rather than for them. He assumes the same goes for their shapeshifting. Maybe it's a social no-no, letting your Ghost go through a dozen form a minute in front of everyone. That would explain why they keep staring at Cubix and him like… that.

He goes to ask Ikora, eventually, because he trusts Cayde with many things but social etiquette isn't one of them.

"Ghosts typically settle after a few resurrections, most after the first one," she tells him, watching Cubix flit between forms, trying to decide on which one to wear for the day. "It's not that they don't shift in public. It's simply that they can't, ever. An unsettled Ghost after so many resurrections is practically unheard of."

"But... Why?" Razel asks. There are so many advantages to having an unsettled Ghost, after all.

She smiles at his confusion. "They only take this form to better guide our souls back to our body- to life. Once they find the most adapted to the task, they stop changing."

"That makes... Like, _no_ sense. At all."

That brings a calculating look to her face. Her eyes go to Cubix briefly before she brings her attention back to him.

"Tell me, Razel, what do you see when you die?"

"Hm- what? I mean. Nothing, because I'm like. Dead?"

She hums thoughtfully at that but doesn't explain herself further. Razel takes it that the conversation is over and leaves quietly, even more confused than before.

6\. 

He asks Cayde first, as usual.

Well. Technically, he asks Sundance.

"How did you know?" He asks, cross-legged in front of her. 

She doesn't usually talk to people outside of Cayde, but he found that he's an exception to many things, this included.

"He was already a wolf," she says. 

"I'm pretty sure he was also a robot back then."

"In soul, not body. He was a hunter, but a lonely one. Lost without a pack to hunt at his side. I became that pack."

Thats answers literally none of his questions. By the wolf-grin she gives him, she knows it.

He groans. "Thanks. I guess."

Time for a poll then.

-

"She has the heart of a lion," Jason, Ayin's Ghost, tells them. He trapped Cubix under his paws to stop him from running around and has been aggressively grooming him since the beginning of their discussion. Cubix looks disgruntled by it but doesn't dare try to break free. Smart Ghost. "A born leader. A huntress. It was only natural that I take the shape of her soul to better guide it back to life."

One last good lick and the lion releases Cubix. Immediately he turns into a hummingbird and flies up to Razel, hiding in the fold of his collar least Jason decides he needs another bath.

Jason is still laughing when they walk away, a low, rumbling sound that follows them out of the room.

-

Sable's Ghost is an octopus. She doesn't need water, because she's not a real animal, just a pure manifestation of Light shaped like an octopus, but Razel still feels uneasy watching her wrap her tentacles around Sable's shoulders. He wants to dunk her in a bucket of water just in case she actually needs it and they both forget it. It wouldn't be a surprise: Sable forgets a lot of things like that. Sleeping, eating regularly, where she put her keys...

A bit like Razel actually. They're the Tower's less functional Warlocks, which is really saying something.

"She has a mind like none other," Virgo says. Sable smiles distractedly at the compliment. "And I'm a cephalopod like none other. The way she thinks- always moving, adapting..."

Razel watches the constant curling of Virgo's tentacles around Sable's arms and shoulders, the way she changes colors until making all but one with Sable's lab robes, and thinks he has an idea of what she means. Probably.

They don't even notice him go. He makes a mental note to bring Sable something to it tonight. And an aquarium. Just in case.

-

Sunny is a delight to be around. She has a voice like summer rain, clear and comforting, and a permanent dog-smile on, even when things are tough. Razel would love to pet her but he's not sure if he's close enough to Thyme to ask that.

"Thyme needed a guide," she says, his head pillowed on her Guardian's thigh while she pets him. "And a friend. I knew she would like a Golden Retriever, and so here I am."

"That's it? She just wanted a dog?"

They both shrug in unison. "It doesn't have to be complicated," Thyme says.

Guess it doesn't, huh.

-

"So it comes from either my heart, my mind, my soul, what I want, or any combination of those four." Razel stares at Cubix with narrowed eyes, eyebrows drawn together in deep thought. Then he heaves a sigh and drops on his back. His mattress dips under Cubix's weight as his Ghost – currently shaped like a farm rabbit – hops next to him and smuggles against his side. "That didn't help like, _at all._"

"Do you _want_ me to settle?" Cubix asks.

"I- huh. Not really, I guess." 

He likes having Cubix turn into a bear during a fight, but it doesn't seem like a very convenient shape to sleep with – his ship only has so much space.

Cubix tucks his head in the crook of Razel's arms. "There you have it, then," he says and promptly falls asleep.

And that, as they say, is that.

6.

Apparently you're not supposed to touch other Ghosts, either.

Shame they didn't learn that _before_ Razel got his hands all over Sundance.

She just looks so fluffy, dozing next to Cayde while they chat. And they touch all the time – Razel and Cayde, Cayde and Sundance, Sundance and Cubix. It kind of makes sense to cut the middle man and just get his hands on her, right? She must be so _soft_.

He extends his hand and brushes his fingers between her ears.

It's the slightest touch, because he may be an idiot but he's not an asshole, he respects people's personal space. He's waiting for her to give him permission for a full petting session. But he doesn't get further than that.

His bare fingers touch her and it's like he's touching a live wire and dipping his whole body is fire and holding a star in his hands, all at once. His arms tenses and he gasps soundlessly, chest heaving, and so does she, so does _Cayde_–

The sensation eases in a second and he snatches his hand back as soon as he can, cringing at the pained sound she makes. Cayde's fingers are inches from his, reaching to stop him and frozen in place.

"Sorry," he rushes out, rubbing at his fingers and not quite looking at Cayde. "I didn't-"

Cayde's hand slowly falls back in his lap. He opens his mouth and makes a faint clicking sound, inner mechanisms rearranging themselves to better accommodate speech, and if he had a flesh and blood body it would be an audible swallow, probably. That's what it reminds Razel of, at least. 

He's tremendously fond of Cayde's little noises.

"It's fine," Cayde chokes out eventually. "You- It's fine."

It doesn't sound fine, but Razel isn't going to put up a debate. He nudges the donut box Cayde's way, instead, in silent apology. There's only one left. He can have it... Just this once.

7\. 

The feeling of it– lingers. A static-y kind of feeling under his skin, an itch he can't scratch.

He has to do something about it

"Here."

Cayde looks up from his report to Razel, who's standing there like an idiot, Cubix dangling from his outreached hands. He's shaped like a cat today, because they both consider that to be his most pettable form.

"What?"

He sways Cubix slightly. "Take him."

"... What?" 

Cayde is very eloquent today. He's not often speechless but right now he's blinking owlishly at the two of them, mouth opening but no sound coming out.

Razel sighs. "I shouldn't have touched Sundance without asking. I'm sorry. But you can touch Cubix, if you want. As, you know. Payback or something."

Cayde shakes his head as if waking up from a daydream. "I told you it's fine," he says. "You don't have to feel like you have to-"

"I want you to though."

Back at it again with the dumbfounded blinking. Sundance, who he's carefully not looking at, follow the gentle swaying of Cubix his in grip with her golden eyes, no other part of her body moving.

"You what?"

"I asked Lek, about the whole... Touching daemons thing." Lek is an expert, or she acts like she's one, which is kind of the same thing. She never says no to explaining stuff to him, even if she spends most of her explanation laughing at him. "So, it's fine if you don't want me to touch Sundance. But you can touch Cubix. If you want. Because I do. Because you're important to me and I like you a lot. But it's fine if you don't want to."

"I- What?" 

Traveler, he's slow today.

Razel takes matters into his own hands, crosses the space separating them in two steps and drop Cubix in Cayde's lap.

Cayde's hands fly up and stay there, hovering above Cubix. The cat has already curled up in his new spot, carefully not touching any bare stretch of metal in case Cayde doesn't want this.

Again, that faint clicking sound as Cayde glances from Cubix to Razel back to the Ghost.

Slowly, carefully, giving them both time to say no, say _nevermind this is weird actually_. They don't. His fingers brush against Cubix's back.

The reaction is... Quieter, this time around. A shivers that goes through all four of them. Razel's breath stutters in his throat. Warmth bloom in his chest, spread through his limbs to the very tip of his fingers. He exhales slowly, shoulders relaxing, opens eyes he didn't notice himself closing.

Cayde is carding his fingers through Cubix's fur with a dazed look in his eyes. Every touch is like static, settling into bonfire-warmth in the pit of Razel's stomach.

"Well," he says, then stops. His brain isn't exactly up to words right now. "Cool."

He sits down on the ground next to Cayde, folds his legs, lays his shaking hands in his lap and his head against Cayde's thigh. He breathes in deeply, closes his eyes again, and lets the feeling of absolute love and contentment radiating from Cubix lull him to sleep.


End file.
